18 February 2013
Lim Wei Zhe
136B Hillview Avenue #01-01
Mobile: 96377118
Email: A0087220@nus.edu.sg
To The Hiring Manager
Human Resource Department
Shell Eastern Petroleum (Pte) Ltd
Shell House, 83 Clemenceau Avenue
Application for an internship
I am writing to express my interest in an internship position in Shell. I am currently in my second year in NUS, taking a Bachelor’s degree in Chemical Engineering (Honours). I am keen on an internship with Shell, because it is a global organization with endless opportunities for growth and personal development. In Singapore, the Shell Bukom refinery is the largest Shell refinery in the world, where innovation and cutting-edge technology is deployed to sustain a successful business model. Beyond that, I am also amazed by the company’s efforts at fostering a safe and environmentally sustainable workplace. I definitely would love to be part of this global organization.
During my internship with Renewable Energy Corporation, I cooperated with process engineers at the manufacturing line. In the 3 months there, I learned firsthand how engineers collaborated to resolve bottlenecks and streamline production processes. Furthermore, I was involved in a project that greatly reduced solar cell waste, receiving the STAR award at the National IQC assessment for the project.
In addition to attaining strong academic results, I actively participated in student organizations. In my first year, I was in the NUS canoe committee, organizing biannual canoeing events, in addition to frequent canoeing sessions. I was also race route in-charge for the NUS RowRunRace 2012 biathlon, successfully managing a team of marshals for a turnout of more than 300 participants.
Currently, I am an active member in the NUS Toastmasters Club, where the positive environment allows me to improve my oral communication and leadership skills. As an engineering student, I understand that strong technical skills are important, but insufficient. Effective communication is essential to articulating our ideas, and working with others. I am confident that the skills I have learned will put me in a good position to excel with Shell.
Thank you for you time to review my application. I enclosed my resume for your consideration, and I keenly look forward to a face-to face interview with you to discuss my suitability for this internship. I can be contacted at 96377118 or a0087220@nus.edu.sg at your convenience.
Yours sincerely,
Wei Zhe
Hi Wei Zhe,
ReplyDeleteIt is quite a good application letter overall. :)
However, some phrases that I think may be better:
1)I am keen on an internship with Shell --> I am keen on interning with Shell / I am keen to have an internship opportunity with Shell
2)...,where innovation and cutting-edge -- > ...,in which innovation and ...
3)successfully managing a team of marshals for a turnout of more than 300 participants --> successfully managed ...
Also, I think in the second and third paragraph, you can also add in your personality/skills that link to your success in managing/organizing the activities. For e.g your enthusiasm and perseverance have resulted in you successfully managing 300 participants...., despite the challenges...
As an engineering student, I understand that strong technical skills are important, but insufficient (Maybe you can elaborate more on this? e.g insufficient in a business/working/ever-changing environment.)
Generally paragraph 4 I think has a good point, just that the sentences in the paragraph doesn't really flow. Perhaps you can link them more together instead of just stating them sentence by sentence without any relation to each other. You can try use linking word, like "hence, therefore, etc".
Overall, good job! I think the structure of you application letter is good. Perhaps you can try to show more passion in the field that you want to enter and also include in what you expect to gain/learn out of the internship. :)
Hey Josephine, thanks for your valuable feedback! I will definitely use your suggestions to improve on my letter. Thank you!
DeleteHi Peter!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on penning your letter!
Just some of pointers below for your consideration.
1. I cooperated with process engineers at the manufacturing line -> I have cooperated with process engineers at the manufacturing line
2. In the 3 months there -> during my three months there ( for numbers that are less than 10 spell it out)
3. I learned firsthand how engineers collaborated to resolve bottlenecks and streamline production processes.-> I was given first hand insight/experience to how engineers collaborated to resolve bottlenecks and streamline production processes
4. I actively participated in student organizations-> I actively participated in numerous student organisations (take note of British English)
5. “In my first year, I was in the NUS canoe committee, organizing biannual canoeing events, in addition to frequent canoeing sessions. I was also race route in-charge for the NUS RowRunRace 2012 biathlon, successfully managing a team of marshals for a turnout of more than 300 participants.”
I personally find this paragraph too brief. You might want to remove one of the roles and focus on elaborating more on the other two instead of briefing stating the CCAs and roles. Take note of “organising” instead of organizing as well.
Keep it up and good luck with Shell!
Cheers,
Aster
Hi Aster, thanks for your feedback! I find your suggestions very helpful, especially the last point. I will definitely incorporate them into my final submission. All the best to your cover letter too!
Delete